laugh a lot it helps

Life is just one damned thing after another. Elbert HubbardUS author (1856 - 1915)

read it

Don't get yourself arrested and make your day worse! If you need to vent, just smash something that's already broken! You can't get in trouble for wrecking the unsalvageable! R. Stevens, Diesel Sweeties, 11-06-06
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RATM

RATM
music for the mind

Thursday, 3 May 2007

Me Fall down go BOOM!!!


Oh its almost the long weekend , an extra day for me to do absolutely sweet fuck all , the universe is not cruel this time around . I would drink but saving up for dubai is sodomising my wallet and social life but i must keep the faith for it is only 22 days to go , yes sun and sun and more sun :) and did i mention I am staying in my sisters apartment which is in a block full of air hostesses oh yes boys life she can be a kind thing...everyone have a great weekend , NOT!!

Sunday, 29 April 2007

Oh the reruns ....the endless reruns of my life

Yes the weekend is almost over once again and then back to work , but its all in the spirit of keeping the depressed heroin addicted child in side me happy.But I am keeping strong its only 26 days till Dubai sun tanning and shopping nothing like selling your family members for camels and blankets its going to be awesome.

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

It's not even monday


GRRR..... it's not even monday.

I woke up as late as anything this morning. I basically told the alarm clock to get screwed.
Hence grumpy smurf mode engaged. I then toyed with the idea of throwing this whole "cycle to work" garbage out the window for one day and driving to work, cause I was late etc.
But I used my willpower (which is pretty crap at the best of times) and cycled to work. On they way dodging the psyco, groupy, cocaine, crazy drivers that inhabit Adelaide roads.
Plus I left my ZEN at home..... so no music, and I have this craving for KFC.

OMG I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED!

Yes I am supposed to be working, and I am. Watching status bars is a type of work.
Time for lunch.....

Monday, 16 April 2007

Yeah I survived the weekend ...and then it was monday


Oh its Monday , which means i am suffering from a short very disturbing bout of depression , why you ask well its 4 days till friday and 11 days till i get paid which means I am too broke to go out this weekend , that means endless re-runs of my dvd collection and really cheap nasty wine , me thinks its going to be really bad for the few braincells i have left.

But wait there is a light at the end of the long tunnel its a few weeks till i am sun tanning my ass in dubai . Yeah its Monday SCREAM WITH ME !!!

Thursday, 12 April 2007


I totally agree if it eats more than a professional mens rugby team and weights more than a professional mens rugby team I will not be putting my penis anywhere near it.

Good Day.

Hello All.

My name's Paul, and sometimes I post a blog on here.

To clear up any confusion, I never slept with the fat chick. I cleverly faked crippling stomach pains and managed to sleep in the spare bed.

Part of me wondered what it would be like to sleep against such a massive soft - object. The other part of me basically being sick over myself for all the terrible thoughts, so I figured I made the right choice.

This Satuday me and Captain K will be cycling across three miles of country lanes, deep in the sticks, to a pub called the blue flame. I say pub, it's actually a mans house, which he thought he'd turn into a pub one day.

The injuries I'm probably going to sustain whilst cycling under the influence will make AWESOME blog material.

Hooray for internal injury...

Yeah thats right the madness is back...




All hail to the king baby , after a short break I am back to spread the death and destruction upon your fragile minds. The cricket worldcup has been taking up most of my time lately and the other 3 braincells i have left after years of abusing my brain with alchohol is taken up by work this week. Yeah thats right minions its thursday which means a 12 hour shift plenty of pot noodles and pain , but its all good because its freaky friday 13 tomorrow , can you give me a hell we are all going to die a painful horrible death what ever you do just strap yourself to a chair in a small dark room , SCREAM WITH ME BITCHES!!!!

Monday, 9 April 2007

Happy Easter all.

Hope you all had a good Easter.

However, you know your are pretty screwed when you get back to work and..... this greets you:This caught me as "witty" this morning:
Red Hot Chili Peppers Writing Session
- Alright guys we need a new idea for our next album, something fresh
- California?
- Did it
- Sex?
- Did it
- .....sex in California?
- BRILLIANT. Shirts off, everybody!
-Conor Sweeny

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

Its Friday ....well not really but it is my last working day of the week


yeah thats right I am off to london tomorrow for the easter weekend , to celebrate christ's birthday , drink beer and get laid because you all know thats what the easter holidays is about woo hoo , now down to business we all need to send either emails of condolences or emails titled "you idiot" to future perfect aka : I took a fat girl out for dinner , got drunk and probably had sex with her too , yes it is a sad day indeedy.

Monday, 2 April 2007

Google Paper for teh win!






You cannot miss this April Fools Joke!

Google Paper!
https://mail.google.com/mail/help/paper/more.html

Nice one guys.
Got a couple of lug nuts where I work going.

Could I mail myself an MP3? Just print it out and post it to me. Come on. You know you want to :p

Ha Ha , Its Monday deal with it ....



yeah this pretty much somes up the day so far ....its monday scream for me , plus i am only working three days this week , put that in your pipe and smoke it. Cheers troops no worries its only 4 days to the weekend.

Sunday, 1 April 2007

the blindness ...oh the blindness


Yes , I am temporarily blind from all the drinking this weekend , thats what 3 days of drinking can do to you , I have asked the little midget in my head to quit banging with his hammer but the little shit still refuses to comply , at this point of thinking of overdosing on ketamin and a bullet to the brain. But boy no body hates my ass as much as the bus driver on friday and taxi driver on saturday/sunday , because lets face it I am just a mean piece of crap when I am sober and even worse when I am drunk , but it keeps the balance of good and evil , because you know some where out there is a good kind hearted drunk who I am so going to beat the crap out of when I hit the vodka and tequila next weekend. Later troops my ass needs sleep.

Friday, 30 March 2007





Cat humor.... never leave home without it.

Thursday, 29 March 2007

FRIDAY......


well its almost friday snoochie boochies , and t minus one day till i dress up like a pirate and drink myself into a steady day of humiliation and more "oh no i did not do that"memories for the scrap book , i just have to survive work.

Two days of FUN. Not.

I missed the train and was a good half hour late yesterday morning. Part of me was dissapointed, part of me was absolutely fine with the fact I spend an hour less with my anally retentive wank basket waste of space Boss. Everyone won.

ANYWAY.

It's Friday now, and like Sean said, T-Minus 24 hours til we are dressed like Pirates and screaming abuse at passing ships. We're trying to figure a way in which we can man other ships and take thier booty, but I forgot my grappling hook and Sean gets arrested whenever he even begins to look suspicious.

I've managed to avoid doing anything for almost the entire week, though there isn't enough things to craft nowadays. Most of my post its were used up by Sean when he plastered obscene comments about my mother across my desk for when I arrived in the morning.

IT'S 5PM AND I'M GONNA GET MY DRINK ON!

You make the kitty angry




It's always going to be a good day when i wake up have a nice breakfast , catch the bus to work get off the bus walk down the road , and some dumbass shit for brains attempts to show you why he should never breed by attempting to run you over , Nice! Well kids I am on a twelve hour shift today = almost dying , I am pissed. Wah who gives a shit its friday tomorrow , and i get to party APPLAUSE.... well if i can survive today without being hit by a car or runover by a bus and Iam so watching the skies. I think the universe is sending me a message and it involves more drinking , i hope and woman.

Wednesday, 28 March 2007

I am never in a bad mood ....its just the medication


Well its wednesday , 48 hours till the weekend and 24 hours till my ass gets paid (yes you can clap and smile) and then i can go and spend it all on booze and loose woman (yes you can clap and smile) who am I fooling with my wages I will just go for the booze. Well i found this to be near smack bang on the money after watching to much television last night.
Ninety percent of everything is crap.
Theodore SturgeonUS science fiction author (1918 - 1985) all you little reality tv bitches (Aka addicts) can bite me , go and get a hobby you'll live longer.

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

Never mind the flying butt monkeys


Yeah where going to ignore the whole , fruit thing because that is freaking my fragile mind the fuck out and it looks way to much like me and he has been threatening me with the whole voodoo doll thing for weeks. Yeah if anyone wants to see how the beautiful people are absolutely ugly without modern technology follow the link minions http://www.idigitdesign.com/blog/?p=41 yes I am amazing so start the bowing and goat sacrifices. Have a great day , like I care anyway. Its only 259200 seconds to the weekend , thats 72 hours for all you maths dumbshits.

Monday, 26 March 2007

My Amazing Craftsmanship.


Hey kids. Paul again.

I turned a pear into a boy today. I'm a god among office workers.

No, I do not need help thank you.

ENJOY.


Note: Sean was right about the Pirates, so er.. keep an eye out for that. It wont be a good night unless one of us passes out in the street and gets attacked by a labrador. Here's hoping eh?

Why I ought too ...

yeah , wait till i get hold of you for calling me a drunk , yes it is true i drink more than is legally allowed in most countries , but its called liver troubleshooting i fuck my liver up and see how fast the doctors can fix it , well i survived monday and the only reason is the fact that i get to dress like a camp pirate and drink cider likes its going to be in short supply , alchohol mans greatest invention Why? because it makes all the ugly things pretty. And in most cases that will play to your advantage you ugly bastards. Hell yeah its one less day to the weekend. Pics will be provided of my pirate episode with the troops , hangon to your knickers ladies its going to be a rough ride.

I should be working...

Hey.

If the guy down there didn't introduce himself, his name's Sean. He's full of all kinds of angry and chooses to vent them in different ways. He spends 90% of his life drunk, but that's ok too. He's a good guy.

I'm currently working in the office and trying to find different avoidance tactics in terms of work.


So far I've discovered the following:


1) Calling court's and asking how they are. Asking how thier family is. Asking if they're sure. Asking if given the choice, would they consider turning gay for pay. Telling them I could make them famous. Hanging up.

2) Sending abuse to Sean via Email, regarding his mother.

3) Creating different Animals native to Africa out of a Rubber and whatever else I can find in the office. Posting said animals and creating my own 'request an animal' delivery service.

4) Creating weapons. Bows, Samurai Stars, Grappling Hooks. Also delivering on request.

5) Sticking elaborate post - it note cartoons on pieces of lost post, which take the reader through the amazing story of how the post was lost. Delivering back to the post room and awaiting response.

6) Post anonymous David Hasselhoff activity books to the managing partner.

7) Posting random pieces of stationary to my boss. By the hundred. Until he snaps.

8) Internet Blogging.

The list goes on, and I promise I'll start posting some pictures pretty soon.

Have a great day all.

Time to get back to work...

P

Sunday, 25 March 2007

Lifes a weird littleman


Well , well the weekend was here now its gone , yes another day in La la land , yes doctor hangover is helping me write this so bear with me. Because drinking your own body weight in beer is not recomended , but still fun and if you are giving me the dissaproving stare I may just have a few wanker caps left for you to wear , because if you have not done it , you have not been to university or highschool or you still live with your mother and wet the bed.

Ah, how i do not kill myself every weekend is a mystery from the attempt at alchohol poisoning to drunken stupidity , the guardian angel needs overtime. But yes next weekend the troops and me are dressing like pirates and going to drink and drink some more , god bless beer and the weekend because its the only way your gonna get laid. Scream for me , its Monday tomorrow